Snow White and the 7 Wonders of Why This Movie Was Made

I have honestly spent more time watching YouTube reviews of shows/movies than I have watching said shows and movies. Disney’s 2025 Snow White was no exception, and I knew the carnage I was going into, but just had to see for myself how truly awful it was. Don’t worry, I streamed it and wasted no money at the theater.

First and foremost, I do not care about the casting choice. Is Rachel Z. a total pure white skinned hottie? No. But I don’t care about that, and it is not the source of my issues with this movie. My issues are, no one asked for this, the pacing is atrocious, the dialog and acting are trash, and this movie is simply not meant for the big screen.

I don’t know why, but this movie had like a 100 years of advertising behind it. At least that is what it felt like. The first posters and trailer for it dropped I swear a whole three years before its actual release date into theaters. This made it annoying, like I’m seeing an ad for this again but can’t even watch it for another eight months? I believe this led people to feeling fatigued about it. The other annoying thing about the advertising was the lies. “For the first time ever, witness the first live action Snow White”. Wait, what? First time live action? No… we’ve seen several remakes and live actions of Snow White over the years, none of which have ever been good. Snow White and the Huntsman had a terrible actress and was too bleak, while Mirror Mirrow was too corny. All in all we couldn’t escape the posters, trailers and horrendous YouTube interviews about this nothing burger of a movie. Disney treated it as if it was going to be societies crown jewel, but no one asked for this. I understand they’re doing live action remakes of all the classics, but it’s hit and miss and I think it’s due to what movie we as 80’s and 90’s kids cared about. We didn’t care about Dumbo, Pinocchio, or Snow White. We like Jungle Book, Lion King, Alladin, Mulan, and The Little Mermaid.

Now for my main beef, the pacing. This movie spends the first 4/5 of itself setting up a story and getting Snow White herself to the woods where she meets up with people who think differently and are willing to fight back against the queen. They come up with a plan and 10 minutes later, which is also 10 minutes before the end of the film they somehow manage to take back the kingdom by sneaking into the castle and holding the evil queen hostage and it is so unrealistically done. 1 dwarf with a pitchfork is capable of taking out 5 guards with crossbows? I don’t think so. It ends with the queen looking around and seeing seven dwarfs in random places and just simply calling it a surrender even though at the snap of her fingers the guards could just kill everyone off and keep her reign.

The pacing ties into the idea that this movie isn’t big screen worthy. It feel like a Sunday night movie that Disney used to produce back in the 90’s. They always took up 2 hour blocks but were only 1 ½ hours long. Production was cheap, acting was more stage like not screen like, and the stories were so basic a 5-year-old could do better. This movie should have gone straight to streaming as nothing about it screams million-dollar baby. These aren’t A lister actors, nor B lister, just forgettable, like this movie, no ones.

I don’t think there is a fix for this movie, it is so bad. We could try to adjust the pacing and scary CGI, but this plot itself has nothing to grow off of, even the original movie from the 30’s isn’t that magical.

I give this movie a 2/10.