Supermeh

Superman by James Gunn was looking like it would be a summer hit for 2025. I was pleased and blown away by the trailers that were being released. In fact, more than that, I started to feel hope. I thought this was going to be a movie I would watch once a year the rest of my life to bring warmth to my heart and a smile to my face. Was this the Superman of hope we’d been waiting for after a decade of dark and gloomy DCEU movies and dark gloomy reality of Covid, economic collapse, and wars the planet had been dealing with? I thought so, but like so many movie trailers, I was lied to.

This movie starts out with a magic number. That number is 33. 33 years ago a baby Krypton landed on earth. 33 days ago, he stopped a war between (Russia and Afghanistan? Made up countries) and 33 seconds ago, he lost his first battle. And Clark Kent falls from the sky and crashes bloodied and torn into the ice. Remember the 33 years ago part. Superman is healed at his fortress and returns to Metropolis emotionally defeated. As he finds hope, maybe we will too, is how you feel after that intro.

The issue with this movie is it can’t decide what to be. Is it an action? A comedy? A romance? Like another review I did, it tries to be everything and achieve nothing. Superman himself isn’t super at all, he’s literally pushed to the back seat. This movie’s plot is so bad I don’t know how WB’s chose this over Zack Snyder’s vision. In the end I walked out of the theater in total silence just feeling meh and complete gypped out of an epic DC story.

I loved Zack Snyder’s vision of DC. Darker and Gritty. I wouldn’t call myself a fanboy by and means but they were a good mix of Nolan’s our world realistic Batman and the comic book fantasticalism. I liked the cinematography and grit of Man of Steel, though hated the dumb dog stuck in the tornado scene. But the main reason I bring this movie up is my oldest sister once said “You know, we watched Man of Stee and didn’t even laugh once. I was like. Why are we still watching this?” I rolled my eyes so hard at that statement. Not all movies need to be a comedy. Especially in a time of Marvel styled fatigue of constant quips and slapstick humor that doesn’t match the tone. Can you image watching a trailer for Superman that says “The funny adventures of an alien boy with superpowers tries to find his place amongst the stars on our earth as doomsday invade kill millions!” Doesn’t fit the tone. However, dumb James Gunn seems to think it’s good.

So, in this movie there is lots of action, it is, however, very cartoony. Some people thought the coolest thing ever was watching Krypto rip a helmet of a guy and watch Superman then punch his teeth out and make them fly through the air till hitting and bouncing off the screen. To me it was too silly and during all these crazy fight scenes the imagery got wonky, disproportionate and blurry, it didn’t look good. There was too much chaos. Whereas in Man of Steel we watched sky scrapers get toppled in epic shockwaves. Nothing really happens in this movie action wise that causes people to hate Superman. In Man of Steel we have the aftermath drama of his trying to save the city, but killing just as many people as the alien invaders did. This movie doesn’t have a high-risk moral question to that through action. In other “action” scenes we see Green Lanter flip people off with a giant green hand and Mr. Fantastic dancing his way through a heavily guarded military base to upbeat music while killing off hoards of soldiers. I ask again, is this an action or a comedy? The movie itself doesn’t seem to know.

Now for the plot. In Man of Steel or Batman V Superman, the world knows what damage Superman can do. The plot to this movie? Lex Luthor found an audio clip of Superman’s Kryptonian parents telling him that he is powerful enough to rule worlds, and therefore he potentially could be a bad guy. Just like a leftist’s wet dream to discover some random kids 6 th great grandfather owned slaves in Georgia once upon a time. We must summon computer monkey (literally this happens, Lex wires monkeys to the internet so they can internet troll Superman and propagate social media into hating him. Yes, James Gunn went full retard). To harass and attack someone for something from history they’ve never had anything to do with.

So, I thought the trailer was going to sell me a movie about Superman hitting a low point but pulling through. That may have been what happened, but it for sure was not well executed. In fact, Superman didn’t do anything in this movie. I don’t know if they wanted to go for a teamwork story arc or if they just wanted to neuter and kick him down for funzies, but this movie shouldn’t even be called “Superman and Friends” it should be called “Friends… and then some Superman.” He can’t defeat a Kaiju lizard, he can’t defeat Lex, He doesn’t fight an inter-dimensional space creature, it’s just boring drama. There isn’t even a hint of maturity in this movie. Remember how he’s supposed to be 33 years old? Dude acts like what I would expect to see from a 22-year-old kid. I myself am 32 years old and have way more maturity and more of an adult aspect on life. Whatever superman went through in this movie I dealt with in high school.

How would I fix this movie? Quit the Guardians of the Galaxy crap for starters. Make Superman the actual main character who solves all the problems directly. They make him look so weak and dumb being saved by a dog, his girlfriend, his best friend, Mr. Fantastic, Green Lantern, his parents, and lastly some odd space dude that can morph into different elements. This “superhero” can’t do ANYTHING in this movie. The man of hope, in this universe, is an absolute sham. There is no hope given. You do not feel lifted by any means and are left with the feeling of “Meh”. As Lex Luthor in this movie would say it’s “Super-shit”. (He actually says that).

I give it 4/10.